DOCTOR’S VISIT

Sarah had her mother staying with her in town to get some various
physical checkups. Her mom had bad eyesight so Sarah volunteered to
drive her to the doctors offices.

Tuesday was her appointment with the Gynecologist so she went into
Sarah's bathroom to take a shower. She got out, toweled off and
noticed in Sarah's medicine cabinet a can of feminine deodorant spray.
She'd never used such a thing but thought that she'd try it since she'd
be spread eagle on the examining table and was a little self conscious
about possible odor. She gave herself a couple of puffs and got dressed.

When she had her feet in the stirrups and the doctor had positioned
himself appropriately, he chuckled and said, "my, my, Mrs Friedman,
aren't we all prettied up today?"

Naturally, Sarah's mother was mortified, could not speak a word and
hurried out of the office when the appointment was over.
She was still beet red when she and Sarah arrived back home, and Sarah
finally asked what was the matter.
Mom said "Oh honey, I'm just so embarrassed" and related the doctor's
comment. "I don't know what he must have thought....all I had done was
use a little of your feminine deodorant spray!"

"But Mom, I don't have any feminine deodorant spray" said Sarah.
"Oh yes you do, dear, come and see", said her mom and lead her into the
bathroom, opened the cabinet and lifted out the infamous spray bottle.
"Oh, no Mom!" Sarah exclaimed. "You weren't wearing your glasses, were
you? That's HAIR SPRAY with GLITTER!"

Canadians in Hell

Two guys from Sudbury die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil
stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and
toques warming themse lves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What
are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow
and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit,eh."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens.
The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"

Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys.
He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wai ling and screaming
everywhere.
He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you
two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm
weather up there in Sudbury so we've just got to have a cook-out when the
weather's THIS nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with
the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives.

The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan, and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up
and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"

The two Canadians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know?
If hell freezes over,
it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!!!"

DRUGSTORE CLERK

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman.
He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had
about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his
last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough
syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering
Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it
all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and
leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had
transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup.
I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily. "Sure it will" John said,
pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via
e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room,
where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male!!!

^^^ :laugh: :agree: ^^^