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Nick, soooooo sorry to hear it dude. I just lost my childhood friend to a freak accident on an ATV in 2004. We hadn't seen each other in forever, but he and his family were almost as close to me as mine in high school. I hated it for his family more than he himself. He died doing something he loved more than anything. I don't think he would have it any other way except for later in life.
Don't look for rhyme or reason, you won't find it. Things happen and we do our best to figure out how to move on. Professional help is a great move. No shame in that one. And you have plenty of friends on here, many who have been through the same thing. Feel free anytime.
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