^^
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears
Formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature
Through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to
See what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking At two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her Father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a
Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
Replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took
Her foot and stomped them flat, saying "Well, we're not having any of that
Brokeback mountain (expletive deleted) in our garden."
The Purina Diet
I have a dog. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?).
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.