[chug_A_bug]

Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario...

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches
of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live
in Ontario.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in
Ontario.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you
live in Ontario.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you live in Ontario.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Ontario.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN:

1. "Vacation" means going South past Toronto for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back
again.
5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching.
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue
spruce.
10. Down South to you means Toronto ..
11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
Ontario friends