The worst christmas

[Supa Ninja]

**Update**
I stayed up in Grass Valley at his brothers for two weeks till the service that was on the 7th. It was a very nice service, I said a few kind words and the family asked me to be a pall bearer. The following morning I hoped on my bike and prayed that I make it to Ridgecrest in one piece. I did, but as soon as I got back into a bit of normacy the flashbacks, insomnia, depression got real bad. I'm a full time student right now, so I don't have health insurance, but I am a war vet. I went to a VA Hospitol and they are going to help. I'm on prozac for the depression, and I'll be seeing a PTSD specialist type to see if I have it, if I do then I'll get couseling.
I'm finding out that most people don't want to hear or think about what I witnessed, and also most people have no idea how to react to me. I kind of feel alone, even my good friends up there don't know how traumatized I got.

Nick

[NO_H2O]

Reading this sends me back to 9th grade. My best freind had a party at his house while his dad was out of town. He was hot for a girl in our class and she was at the party but wasn't hot for him. I guess they talked and he drank a few beers, went upstairs and put his dads 357 in his ear and ended everything. We heard the shot and the rest was a mess of blood, hair, people screaming and crying, police, ambulance, questioning, etc. It was the hard on me and others for a long time. You are on the right track seeking help. You should also find something to keep you mind on (school or a project). You might even need to put the bike away for a while if it is a flashback trigger. The sharp edge of the trammatic end should dull as time goes on. Hang in there.

[zen]

Nick, soooooo sorry to hear it dude. I just lost my childhood friend to a freak accident on an ATV in 2004. We hadn't seen each other in forever, but he and his family were almost as close to me as mine in high school. I hated it for his family more than he himself. He died doing something he loved more than anything. I don't think he would have it any other way except for later in life.

Don't look for rhyme or reason, you won't find it. Things happen and we do our best to figure out how to move on. Professional help is a great move. No shame in that one. And you have plenty of friends on here, many who have been through the same thing. Feel free anytime.

[Supa Ninja]

Thanks everyone. Today was the first day of the new semester of school so I'm going to be concentrating on that. I try to talk about this as much as possible to keep from bottling my feelings. Some days are easier then others. i'm sure there is a psycho-babble reason but I find myself concentrating on the bike and riding in general. I'm going with it, but it just seems a bit insane. I'm not going to put a dead line on when I'm going to be "better".