Joke Thread.

[chug_A_bug]

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them.


Chris.

[BeetleWarrior]

THE ZOO

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless
with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on
with one hand (and two feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the
free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the
poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom,
and play along.

She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her
straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars
down.

Now try lifting your dress up your thighs. This drives the gorilla
absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the
cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him you have a
headache".

[BeetleWarrior]

DOCTOR’S VISIT

Sarah had her mother staying with her in town to get some various
physical checkups. Her mom had bad eyesight so Sarah volunteered to
drive her to the doctors offices.

Tuesday was her appointment with the Gynecologist so she went into
Sarah's bathroom to take a shower. She got out, toweled off and
noticed in Sarah's medicine cabinet a can of feminine deodorant spray.
She'd never used such a thing but thought that she'd try it since she'd
be spread eagle on the examining table and was a little self conscious
about possible odor. She gave herself a couple of puffs and got dressed.

When she had her feet in the stirrups and the doctor had positioned
himself appropriately, he chuckled and said, "my, my, Mrs Friedman,
aren't we all prettied up today?"

Naturally, Sarah's mother was mortified, could not speak a word and
hurried out of the office when the appointment was over.
She was still beet red when she and Sarah arrived back home, and Sarah
finally asked what was the matter.
Mom said "Oh honey, I'm just so embarrassed" and related the doctor's
comment. "I don't know what he must have thought....all I had done was
use a little of your feminine deodorant spray!"

"But Mom, I don't have any feminine deodorant spray" said Sarah.
"Oh yes you do, dear, come and see", said her mom and lead her into the
bathroom, opened the cabinet and lifted out the infamous spray bottle.
"Oh, no Mom!" Sarah exclaimed. "You weren't wearing your glasses, were
you? That's HAIR SPRAY with GLITTER!"