Girlfriend or Ultimate Bug?!

[lazylongboarder]

I'm CAUGHT! My girlfriend just found my 6 pot calipers and 14'' rotors and found out i spent $3000 on my new brake setup, and she gave me the Ultimatum!

IT'S ME OR THE BUG RUSSELL!

Ok my best friends in the whole world, let me know what you think. Since your are all my friends, I trust you with this dilemna; The beetle of my dreams (porsche cayenne 6 pot brakes front and rear[already got em' hah!]porsche suspension, 550 hp, 6 speed g 50 ), OORRRRR, the girl of my dreams?

I would ask doctor phil but he's an idiot, and he wouldn't understand like you guys.

[LLVWGL]

if she really loves you she would be supportive of your hobby. There will always be women, but VW's get crushed daily

Well, on second thought post a pic of her and I'll be able to better advise you.

[barls]

how about a pic of both to help us decide

[vujade]

both have their positives and negatives...

I can tell you this, if you give up what you desire and what you believe
in for any relationship, you will first of all become resentful of the person
you are with, which will put a wedge between the both of you. Second of
all, you will always long for what you gave up. Your desire for your dream
car will never go away. I have been into dubs for 20 years and I am finally
completing one of my first dream cars. I have built many VWs, but never
to the extent that I am buildng my current one. SO you see, even after
20 years (IM 36), the desire and drive to own an awesome dub is still there,
thru countless girlfriends and even 1 marriage.

Now I am not telling you to dump your Girlfriend, but I am giving you advice
on what to tell her...

First of all, you should go to her and try to explain to her that this is one of
your passions in life. This is one of the things that brings joy to you. Tell her,
that If she doesnt respect your desires now and at least appreciate that this
makes you happy and your not even married, what is it going to be like if you
do get married? Ask her that and see what she says? Also, tell her if she
makes you choose between your love for her and your love for your car
it is a lose lose situation either way. If you pick her and let go of your car
you will always regret it and you will eventually come to resent her for
making you choose to do so. then tell her, if you give her up for your dream
car you will alway regret leaving someone that completes you and you
cant see yourself without her (this should touch her deeply).

Tell her that if she really loves you and truly wants you to be happy in
life, that she will come to see that it is necessary for you to have dreams
and to go after them, for without dreams, life would be empty and hopeless.
Tell her that a relationship is about comprimises, not about sacrifices. Tell
you shouldnt have to change who you are or what you believe in to be loved
by her, but rather you are willing to compromise with her and spend more
time with her, if she compromises with you and tolerates your hobby. (Key word here is tolerates, not allows. Never let her think she is allowing
something. Dont say please let me do this, she is not your Mother and dont
let her think she has the upper hand in the relationship) Tell her, she doesnt
have to love what you do, only tolerate it because it makes you happy (and
maybe one day she will even grow to like it and maybe even participate).

If after having this conversation and you do not get the results you desire
and she is not willing to compromise with you, your next step is to tell her
you are not going to make a decision between her and your car, but rather
you are going to go on living your life as you have since you met her and
that if she wants to compromise with you, you are willing but you are not
going to give up either love easily. Make her understand that it is her that
will be making a choice between you and your car and that if she chooses
to leave you, you will miss her deeply, but if she chooses to stay, you will
make every effort to make her happy while still keeping yourself happy as
well.

And if she dumps your ***, she wasnt really the right one! No matter how
hot she is or how steamy the relationship is, all of that will mean nothing
if your not happy in life. The right girl will be the one that at the very
minimum accepts you for who you are and tolerates your hobbies and
dreams. If you are truly lucky, you may even find someone that shares
your hobbies and dreams!

[CLKWRK]

Heres my take on this one,

Not negotiable.

If I dddnt have a creative outlet for my unspent energy, then i would spend it on more destructive things. I think its a better hobby than wine, women and gambling.

bry

[Kafer_Mike]

Wow. Looks like Vujade is the GLF version of Dr. Phil. Solid advice...

A true "dream" girl in a serious relationship would believe in you and your dreams and support your dream. If not then she is being selfish. I'm sure she wouldn't be upset if you spent $3000 on a ring for her.

[zen]

does your dream girl include someone who would give you an ultimatum and "force" you to decide between your dreams and her based on finances? that should be a big red flag on the future of the relationship. do you see her as marriage material and spending 50 or more years with her day in and day out? if not, then ride the relationship for what it is worth and follow your dreams. if so, then find that happy balance so you can mutually co-exist with your individual desires and enjoyment.

all of the advise given on her is dead on. i come from a VERY solid relationship. my wife has supported be through decades of chasing a music career in many different forms and mind you that she is a pianoist and had those very same desires. not that we didn't have "discussions" about all of that over the years, but it came down to wanting to see the other happy as much as we wanted to be happy ourselves. then add on that almost to the minute i gave up the music career, all of my creative focus went back into the car i had sitting around forever and this site and creating the VKG with the other guys and...you get the point. everyone has to have their outlet or those feelings come out in other ways...usually bad ones.

live your life the way you need to, not the way someone tells you you need to.

and pics could sway any of our advise.

[oicdn]

Originally Posted by zen

and pics could sway any of our advise.

+1...pics of the girl that is....

[effvee]

Hay "F" one really good, and make love to the other

[beetle1303]

As stated before balance is the key. Im veeeery luckycos ive been in a relationship for 7+months now and i didnt realise how fast time passed. Last winter i didnt have any heating medium in my beetle and it was snowing outside. She would just jump into the car(just like me), roll down the window and light two cigaretes for the road. Then, when I was bidding for my 944 arms my gf would wake me up in order not to lose the auction. Finally when we went for vacation back home (Greece) and we stayed at my home in Athens one night I went outside on the street to wash my beetle.She came down with me and asked to help...Now she cant wait for me to get back and do that again. (but she is going to be more happy with me fitting a heater on the beetle rather than going anywere fancy for winter holidays. The reasons for her behaviour is simply pay attention to what she says, discuss with her about everything even my dream bug...On the other hand she gives me time and space when i need it for my dream beetle. all the previous ex-gfs just kept busting my ..... because "my car" makes "a lot of noise" (clearly disrespect for the orchestral sound of webers along a straight through muffler ) and about their butt freezing. they just didnt like my extension (my dream car which is on a build through road worthy condition for 2 years now).
Sorry for the long post, but i had to state a good example of two relationships working like they should IMO

Chris

[NO_H2O]

Just tell her you are getting your dream car built before it is time to start raising kids. Because when you strart having kids the hobbies get put on the back burner for a while. My kids were 11 and 16 before I got bake into it.

[lazylongboarder]

We agreed to not have kids...Wahoo! LET'S HEAR IT FOR PROJECT CARS!
I'm really heartless are'nt I?

[oicdn]

^^I'm betting that'll change when you get older...

[volkdent]

All VERY good advice here! I think it is so funny that this post got so much attention! It looks like we all have run into the same issue.

The one thing I am pretty sure of is a man without a dream is an empty shell.

Keep in mind though, we know you like bugs, but if you've got like 6 other hobbies, you might want to whittle off a couple, because Dubs are demanding hobbies!

I must highly emphasis the "taking it slow" part. I am really impressed with your enthusiasm, but I've been a little worried so far about how fast you're going with this thing. In one post you mentioned you'd spent your savings on somethingerather, and I was concerned then that you might be entering into a financial black hole as far as what your goals were for this thing. You're goals are similar to mine in the type of car you want to end up with. I've spent over $10000 in the last 2 years on my project, and I'm STILL getting the parts I need. Fortunatly I have a job that will allow that kind of spending, but if you don't, you'll end up with a room full of parts and no money to get it together. There are thousands of half-done project cars out there for a reason.

I am seriously aware that the children factor is huge, so your luck there I guess. I've been trying to get my car to a rolling stage at least before children enter the picture!

Even when you've obtained all the parts for this thing, financially I would imagine you are less than half done. Does this sound about right? So, if you can see your income being able to maintain your spending for a long time, it might be OK, if not, you've got to reconsider your goals my man.

If your GF knows your financial situation and sees you dumping more than you can afford into the car, I can see her feeling like she needed to gain some control. If you guys stay together, then your spending will affect her financial security as well. My last GF was really supportive in that she would say I should go over and work on the car and always ask me how it was going, but again, financially, she wasn't worried. Finances are the #1 reason for fighting in relationships, so if those aren't stable....

I think that dubs are worse than gambling for me, so I have to take breaks now and again to settle down. Take those breaks to focus on her, she might like being loved as intensly as your dub! What happens in the garage stays.....

This may be a less supportive post, but I think of myself as an optimistic realist, and hard decisions are just that. If she really is the ultamatum type though....

Jason