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Old December 27th 2005, 02:30
Supa Ninja Supa Ninja is offline
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The worst christmas

I'm on my pity pot and I need to get this out. Even though this is not VW related it something that I feel if I share with my GL peeps I may feel better.
I moved from where I grew up, Auburn/ Grass Valley are, last year to live in the desert of SoCal. Anyways I decided to spend Christmas with my best friend and visit my NorCal friends. Well my best friend had gotten a sport bike a few months back so I got my Ninja ready for the trip, so that we could ride the twisties up there (they are awesome). I contacted my old riding buddies and we organized a causual ride.
I got up there last Thursday, only had to ride in three hours worth of rain. Spend the night at my buddies, then in the morning had to stop at the motorcycle shop, then off to the bay area to chill with a bunch of my old friends. The last time I was visiting, my friend was very depressed and this time was the happiest I had ever seen him. We spend the night in the bay area, then at 8 in the morning of the 24th we took off to head back to Sacramento to meet up with my riding buddies.
There was one toll bridge to cross so my buddy took the last off ramp so that we could get our money ready. He was in the lead left wheel position and I was about 20 yds back in the right wheel. He opened it up, there was a slight sweeper to the right, looked like he panicked and froze up. The bike slid for a ways along the cement barricade then just went straight up in the air. I was already slowing down before that and came to a stop. As I was running back I flagged a SUV and had them call 911. I got down to where he was at but it was too late.
I am having symptoms of PTSD, Sunday was real bad, flashbacks every few minutes. I wrote a blog about it, and long post on a motorcycle forum. I able to finally get a decent night's sleep. Today I rode my bike from a friends house in Fairfield to his brothers in Grass Valley, against my biker friends advice, but I was able to concentrate on riding. I think it was therapedic(?), cause I'm feeling a lot better.
I am spending a lot of time with the family, I'm doing my best to be strong for them. This is something that I will have to learn to live with. He was a good friend and will always live on in my memories. Rest in peace Randy.

Nick
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Old December 27th 2005, 03:39
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volkdent volkdent is offline
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Sorry Nick,

There's not much to say, but take some time to heal and learn what you can from it.

Jason
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Old December 27th 2005, 07:52
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Panelfantastic Panelfantastic is offline
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Really sorry. I understand the theraputic ride, it did the same for me. Consider talking to someone on a professional level to help you sort it out.



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Old December 27th 2005, 09:08
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sorry to hear about this Nick...it sucks to lose someone you care about

I know what you are going thru right now...
I just lost my dog this past month and even though he was not
a human being, he was still a friend and will be sorely missed...

it just takes time
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Old December 27th 2005, 13:53
Supa Ninja Supa Ninja is offline
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Joe,
When I was 15 my dog got a sticker in her ear so we took her to the vet. The sedated my dog and while she was out moved her wrong and twisted her stomach. When she got home she went to the toilet and drank water. Apearantly her espagus ruptured and I got up in the morning to take a piss and tripped over her body. What I saw Saturday reminded me a lot of that experience. It sucks when you lose soemone that that you care about.
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Old December 31st 2005, 14:21
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Sorry about your loss.

Healing takes time. I hope everything works out, and if you wanna chat I'm on yahoo.
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Old December 31st 2005, 16:14
Supa Ninja Supa Ninja is offline
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Thanks Mikey, here is what the local newspaper wrote about the crash.

http://www.theunion.com/article/20051230/NEWS/112300108


I am feeling a little better, he will live on in our memories.
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Old January 2nd 2006, 01:06
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srry bout the loss........
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Old January 13th 2006, 02:21
Supa Ninja Supa Ninja is offline
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**Update**
I stayed up in Grass Valley at his brothers for two weeks till the service that was on the 7th. It was a very nice service, I said a few kind words and the family asked me to be a pall bearer. The following morning I hoped on my bike and prayed that I make it to Ridgecrest in one piece. I did, but as soon as I got back into a bit of normacy the flashbacks, insomnia, depression got real bad. I'm a full time student right now, so I don't have health insurance, but I am a war vet. I went to a VA Hospitol and they are going to help. I'm on prozac for the depression, and I'll be seeing a PTSD specialist type to see if I have it, if I do then I'll get couseling.
I'm finding out that most people don't want to hear or think about what I witnessed, and also most people have no idea how to react to me. I kind of feel alone, even my good friends up there don't know how traumatized I got.

Nick
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Old January 14th 2006, 06:33
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Reading this sends me back to 9th grade. My best freind had a party at his house while his dad was out of town. He was hot for a girl in our class and she was at the party but wasn't hot for him. I guess they talked and he drank a few beers, went upstairs and put his dads 357 in his ear and ended everything. We heard the shot and the rest was a mess of blood, hair, people screaming and crying, police, ambulance, questioning, etc. It was the hard on me and others for a long time. You are on the right track seeking help. You should also find something to keep you mind on (school or a project). You might even need to put the bike away for a while if it is a flashback trigger. The sharp edge of the trammatic end should dull as time goes on. Hang in there.
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Old January 17th 2006, 18:23
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Nick, soooooo sorry to hear it dude. I just lost my childhood friend to a freak accident on an ATV in 2004. We hadn't seen each other in forever, but he and his family were almost as close to me as mine in high school. I hated it for his family more than he himself. He died doing something he loved more than anything. I don't think he would have it any other way except for later in life.

Don't look for rhyme or reason, you won't find it. Things happen and we do our best to figure out how to move on. Professional help is a great move. No shame in that one. And you have plenty of friends on here, many who have been through the same thing. Feel free anytime.
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Old January 17th 2006, 20:04
Supa Ninja Supa Ninja is offline
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Thanks everyone. Today was the first day of the new semester of school so I'm going to be concentrating on that. I try to talk about this as much as possible to keep from bottling my feelings. Some days are easier then others. i'm sure there is a psycho-babble reason but I find myself concentrating on the bike and riding in general. I'm going with it, but it just seems a bit insane. I'm not going to put a dead line on when I'm going to be "better".
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